'I'm Sick!! Of Lying!!'
Hercules Gives The Last
LOST Till 2008 FIVE STARS!!
--10626 total posts

Over 10,000 posts? This is what happens inside the Internet. People chat, rant and argue about TV shows. Do you ever check out any of this stuff? Probably not. It takes forever to load a page with 10,000 posts on it.

But that's LOST for you. Tonight's the big Season 4 premiere, so that's the buzzing you'll be hearing all day. I turned on the TV last night to see what nothing was on and I noticed they were showing the Season 3 finale again so I thought I'd settle in and rewatch. I must say, it was one of the great moments in the history of television when it aired last year, but only if you'd been following it. What was interesting last night was how they made it into "LOST, Pop-Up Video". Is this what television has come to? So you're sitting there watching a show, and the scroll bar at the bottom of the screen is rolling out the backstory of every character that comes on set. I found it annoying, since I knew the info, but the oblique Star Wars references were insightful.

I blame the writer's strike. And, yes, I do believe you are standing in the way of the Free Market if you strike when someone out there is willing to do your job for cheaper. The show must not go on! Pathetic. I feel sorry for the thousands of not very highly paid, below-the-line celebrity type-folks who depend on the film business to make a living (sandwich-makers, wardrobe people, etc.) We can thank the striking writers for one thing, however: did you see the Golden Globe Awards? Me neither, but evidently they hire writers for these things, and since there were none available they had to cancel the awards program, which I find utterly hilarious. The actors union issued a directive for its members not to show up for any party, too, in solidarity. Unfortunately, (or fortunately) the time slot was still allocated on the TV stations, so the broadcasters filled it by just having two people standing at an old, cast-off game show podium reading the list of nominees and winners. I caught a few minutes of it, and it was the best awards show ever aired. Quick and to-the-point. Like a popped balloon.

But the Academy Awards? No, that show will air. It's The Oscars, after all. The most dangerous place in Southern California is to stand between Hollywood and its self-congratulation, and no union will go there. Exceptions have been made. Expect dumb jokes, a moment of silence, and a standing ovation in the Oscar monologue -all for the writers, who would otherwise not get any attention. (It may be why they're striking in the first place.) In 2009 I expect they will award themselves for having bravely done nothing the previous year, unless they decide to acknowledge noteworthy independents -who will never work in this town again for having crossed the picket line.

But you know how it goes... Yes, there will be some breakout talent that makes a non-union film that grosses millions this summer. Every actor will want to work on their next film, and once the stars are attached the financing kicks in, all past transgressions are forgotten and all will be welcome in the Directors Guild or the Writers Guild. Ten years from now, another strike.

All the same, they do know how to tell a story on LOST, and evidently (before the strike) they had finished production on three or so of the 16 episodes that were expected to begin airing ("without interruption" they advertised) a few weeks ago. I guess they finished the season premiere first, but who knows -that show jumps around a lot. All the series are uncertain right now. They showed a new episode of House the other night and it was a Christmas episode, which made no sense at all. As well, I think 24 is off the table for the year, and it's reality shows as far as the calendar can see. So if you were ever going to give up on television, now is a good time to do it. Tonight at 8:00 PST, on ABC.

LOST is better on DVD anyway.


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Got a letter from the prez yesterday. (Didn't everyone?) It always comes on a nice heavy bond of paper, gold embossed presidential seal at the top, and with a slice of cardboard in the envelope to keep it from bending. Why, it's suitable for framing! The postman always brings it straight to the door. Either he was intimidated by the return address, or it just didn't fit in the cubby. Most likely the latter. (The President says DO NOT BEND!)


Evidently, he and Laura liked our Christmas card. I appreciate him not complaining about the photo quality of the Costco print.

Lest you think our president is a shallow and thoughtless individual, it is most certainly not the same letter from last year -I checked. It is, however, the exact same signature. Skeptic that I am, I placed one over the other and held them up to the light. A perfect match (*sigh*). You'd think they'd have the foresight to reset the signature machines every year. Personally, I like to evaluate the wear-and-tear the job is having on the president's handwriting.

It arrived at the door just moments before the State of the Union address. Coincidence? I think not. The White House public affairs office has it down after seven years, and they're not taking a holiday just because it's a lame duck year. The speech, by the way, was a ho-hum state of the union speech. Long. I didn't have it in me to play the SOTUS drinking game, but I was surprised to hear the president stick it to the congress on a few things. I guess he's not giving up on his lame duckedness, either. Good to know. The state of the union? STRONG! It's so encouraging to know that we're always so strong. Makes you wonder about all those candidates who seek CHANGE! I'm sure the next state of the union address will go something like: "The state of the union is exhausted from the transition, unenthusiastic about our prospects, and with a touch of melancholy."

I like our president. I know, I know, I'm in the minority -his current approval rating hovers at 34% (still better than the Congress' current all-time-low at 22%). Being the president is a tough job. When you consider that there's 300 million people in the country, that's about 200 million people who think you suck. Bummer! I don't think everything he's done in his two terms is the GREATEST EVAR, but I do think that there's a lot of lies about him that persist out there. And, no, he was not born 9 months after the Roswell incident like it says in that E-mail you got. (That was Al Gore! b. 3/31/48, Roswell incident: 7/8/47)

You didn't see this in the news, but when the President recently went to Israel he was greeted by President Shimon Peres with these words:

"Mr. President, distinguished guests, as the President of the state I am delighted to speak on behalf of our people. I want to tell you in simple language - you came to a land and a people that loves deeply the United States of America, and without any reservation. And also may I say that I have the highest respect for you and the highest regard, because, speaking as a politician, you introduced character in politics. It's a great contribution to politics - character, courage, vision."

Well, that's nice high praise. The leftist cynics out there will have a long, softly bigoted eye-roll at that one from the Jewish state. Israel! The most successful democracy in the Middle East! (Hey, wait. It's the only democracy in the Middle East. Oh yeah, I guess you could count Iraq and Afghanistan.)

There was an accompanying letter to the first. I found this one friendly and optimistic, however bland, but it did remind me that this is a good country of good people. I don't believe any president wants anything less than for his country to succeed, as I believe that most every politician at his core feels that he is serving his country. This sets us apart from most of the world, and the dictators and monarchies that hold sway. George Bernard Shaw said, "Democracy is a system ensuring that the people are governed no better than they deserve." I think about that when I see the president's low approval ratings. Perhaps we are a nation of complainers, but at least we didn't elect one.



(BTW, I noticed that they changed the signature for this one.)

-Click pics to embiggen-


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Welcome to a new week, last one of the month! Your year is nearly 1/12th over. I propose we get serious about these last few days of January and actually get something done. Somehow, this month hasn't amounted to much as far as Accomplishing Anything At All. I've spent a lot of time in front of the computer, but you wouldn't know it by the frequency and quality of the blogs. In a year we'll have a new president, and the country can't seem to get it together to decide on the candidates. And my race training has suffered, as well.

These are indecisive times, I guess. Take the weather. I awoke this morning with rain slamming the bedroom window, trees blowing over sideways in some odd January wind. I thought the storm had finished up yesterday morning when the clouds drifted off and the sun came out. The Little Ditchman and I had gone outside, seeds in hand, to plant the garden in the moist, turned loam I'd prepared last month. Then she went in for a nap, I put a pot a coffee on, and the winds were off the ropes! They came out swinging! Water blasted the side of the house like we lived in hurricane country and I raised an eyebrow and went back to my computer. An hour later the rains ceased, and there was much rejoicing. And then they came out swinging again this morning. It's Southern California, after all.

So if I've been a bit distant lately, it's because I've been moonlighting on another blog. Yes, I know, how could you? Well, it's all in the name of bringing home a satiating pork-product I enjoy using symbolically as income. You see, the customers love seeing pictures of their patio covers on the slideshows, in the portfolios, and on the Internet. They drop by the Home Show all day long and look for their renovated yard in the display albums, pointing proudly, stopping passersby and showing them and selling us. Fine with me, I say, good for business! I haven't registered the domain name yet, but I was thinking Alumablog.com, or YourDailyAluminum.com, or something clever and alluring like that. Your suggestions are welcome and appreciated.

For now, it's just http://www.hawkinspatiocovers.com/Recently_Completed/Recently_Completed.html which may be a little hard to remember, let alone pronounce.

We had something of a marketing push these past few weeks in Ditchman Family Construction. Remember that nice patio cover I built for you and how you loved our attentive and reliable work? Leave us a review on Kudzu.com! Profits are on the annual winter downswing, so as Mrs. Ditchman goes into overdrive I get to hang with the kid -which is my dumbfounded pleasure. I can't seem to find anything in the kitchen or understand half the stuff the Little Ditchman says, but hey Snacks and TV seem to do the trick. Come naptime, I work, and it has left me gasping for a breath in the tumultuous seas of HTML code and File Transfer Protocol -but I'd been meaning to learn all that anyway. Let me know what you think about the new site. I'm still working out the bugs, and have discovered that it works differently on all the browsers. "Browsers". The word alone implies such easygoing and hapless non-work, and yet it is quite the contrary. Strangely, though I built most of the new site on the Mac and using the Mac web design software, it doesn't seem to display properly on the Mac "Safari" browser. Whatever. Cyber-woes do not make for compelling blogging, so I will leave it at that.

But the garden is planted, and the rains came to dampen the seeds forthwith. Excellent! Even put a couple of fish in the pond. I expect a hearty season of growth this year, as I spent a lot of time tilling the soil in an attempt to re-invigorate the lifeless clay boneyard that I was lucklessly trying to fertilize last year. Many of the plants grew through last summer with the thick-skinned, dry fruit you'd expect on the lawn of Hades, and I presume this year to be able to change all that. This weather could be a good sign, when you consider the fact that we've had more rain in the past couple weeks that we had all last year.


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Blogger seems all jacked-up today. Letters are missing on everyone's site! This is good because I didn't have the time to get a word in edgewise anyway. What a life. Go see Mrs. Ditchman at the Home and Garden Show at the Del Mar Fairgrounds! Me? I'm at home enjoying a pot of coffee and a rousing episode of Sesame Street. Today's word: PREPARED.

On second look, I guess it's me that's all jacked up. I think there is a Mac virus or Trojan Horse going around, of all things. It was mentioned to me by The Architect. The Architect is 75 years old and uses a Mac. (Gotta respect that.) The Architect has had it up to his PIT HAIRS with the City of Oceanside building department. It makes me feel better.

In the news: Good Guys in the world. Bad Guys in the world. Me, I'm still waiting for my digital camera to come back. Set it on the back of the truck and drove away one day, and never saw it again. I'm sure the new owner is enjoying all the pics of Alumawood patio covers.

And for your reading pleasure, this lecture (from the monthly Imprimis) on the Canadian Economy. Wait! Don't go! It's the funniest, most insightful, most cleverly written article on the Canadian Economy you'll ever read!

"The future belongs to those who show up for it."



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More on Losers

Perhaps I shouldn't have used the phrase "ungifted losers". I do believe that we all have gifts, somehow, somewhere, however idiosyncratic. But I also believe that we're all losers, sooner or later, and more often than not.

It's just that I know a lot of people who whine and moan when they lose. Yell at the umpire. Kick and spit. I know a kid who throws his gamepad at the TV when he loses a vid, then he pouts and huffs and treats his mom like dirt. Poor form. Whatever happened to a smile and a handshake and a "Good game!"?

24,300 people ran the Honolulu Marathon. There was one winner. Ambesse Tolossa of Ethiopia, who also won it the year before. That's 23,299 losers. But a marathon is quite a thing. Most of those people who crossed the finish line did so with a smile on their face, overjoyed that they even made it to the end of the competition! That's good losing!

Mrs. Ditchman is a good loser. It's one of her finer traits! In it for the competition, she is. Loves the challenge, works hard to win and keeps coming back for the spirit of the game. It inspires me more than Ambesse Tolossa ever could, no matter how fast he runs.

One person wins the presidency, one team wins the Superbowl. If you go around saying "we're all winners" you're either ignorant or dishonest. Who put the shame in losing? It's part of life! I would rather be a good loser than a bad winner, as everyone hates a bad winner. We all want to be good winners and there's nothing wrong with that. To all of you who want to be good winners, I say Go for it! As for those of us who come in behind you... To lose is to presume you tried. If I call everyone losers, I'm giving everyone the benefit of the doubt. To not try is something much worse than losing.

TheDawgRun sent me the famous Yoda quote, "Do or do not. There is no try." I respect Yoda, and he will dismiss my barking at his aged wisdom, but I find it an overly simplistic notion. If we "do or do not" does that mean we either do win the marathon, or we do not win the marathon and there is no trying? I believe this proves my point that we are likely to lose. Unless we redefine as "do finish the marathon" or "do not finish the marathon", but this would imply that there are things I should just never attempt, or even "try" to do. So what are those things? Yoda needs to clarify. Perhaps it only applies when using The Force to levitate your spacecraft out of a swamp. Sadly, I'm no Jedi, and I'm no Ambesse Tolossa, but I tried and that was the whole point of it. It's all about the trying. I lost along with 23,000 other people, but we lost well. There were countless masses who were afraid to try at all.

And I could go on and on about that one! Whole treatises can be written on the subject of the Failure of Will. I'd quote Socrates and Plato and C.S. Lewis and Matthew 25 and the 'Parable of the Talents'! It would be brilliant!

But if I did, it would be a failure of will to get to work this morning. See? You can't win.



Ambesse Tolossa of Ethiopia, winner of the 2006 and 2007 Honolulu Marathon.



The real winners.


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Nothing on TV.

This is a wholly American experience. To be sitting there in front of your very large screen with channels in the hundreds and nothing on. Typical over-indulgent, never-satisfied, fat Americans luxuriating in their swank and complaining about it. So I watched The Karate Kid.

Speaking of swank -actually, I watched the end of The Karate Kid. The data channel guide said that it was The Karate Kid II, so I flipped to it because I wanted to see Hillary Swank in her breakout role -straight to the Academy from there, babe! But no, it was KK1, the one that started it all.

And I got sucked right in. This is a classic movie! It has that magical, after-school-special quality that cuts right to the marrow of the 14-year-old soul and coos gently, telling it, "You're not alone... We know how you feel..." It was 10:30 at night. I'm 37 years old. I'm thinking, who's watching The Karate Kid at 10:30 on a Sunday night? Then it cut to a rather embarrassing commercial for male enlargement. Yes, "enlargement", and by "embarrassing" I am referring to the advert's production value. It segued into a commercial for a baldness cure, I kid you not, and the trifecta was in play. But it didn't matter, there was now no wondering who was up at 10:30 on a Sunday night watching The Karate Kid. Made me sad, really.

I kept watching, of course (for the film, not the commercials.) The Karate Kid was directed by John G. Avildsen, who also directed Rocky, and it shows -but hey, if something works, go with it! Both were massive commercial hits, as we know, and went on to numerous sequels. (Turns out Hillary Swank is in Karate Kid IV, of all things. I must've missed a few in there.)

I remember when I first saw it. I went to the theater in the Eagle Rock Plaza with my buddies Jeff Smith and Robby Bryant. It was 1984, and we were about the same age as Ralph Macchio in the movie, only significantly dorkier (we didn't know Karate.) After the movie, we walked out of the theater in a trance, like we'd wholly escaped geekdom, were lifted above it, and conquered all. A fine, pure film. The quintessence of cinema, we agreed, sitting there on the curb waiting for Robby's mom to come pick us up in the station wagon.

Watching it again, you can't help but choke on some of the cheese, but it is surprisingly effective. The movie works because of Pat Morita's touching performance as Miyagi, some choice adroitly-written scenes, and the perfect blend of 80s pop (Cruel Summer) and the wistful, Asian tones of Zamfir (Master of the Pan Flute) providing atmosphere, a musical twosome never again repeated in American pop culture, as far as I can tell. Will you ever forget "Wax on, wax off"? I doubt it. Say what you will, that's good filmmaking.

Pat Morita was nominated for an Academy Award for his role as Miyagi (he didn't win) and was known to have had trouble with the Japanese accent, as he regularly spoke with an American one. The scene where he is drunk and remembering the war was almost cut from the film for being too slow. In my mind it's the scene that got him nominated. That's Hollywood. Side note: Pat Morita happens to be the uncle of one of my wife's best friends. When he died a couple of years ago, we sent our condolences.

The Karate Kid also launched the careers (however short-lived) of Ralph Macchio and Elizabeth Shue, who played his girlfriend. A friend of mine knew William Zabka, who played the blonde bully, "Johnny Lawrence". Turns out he's a pretty nice Christian guy who was bothered by playing such a mean character. In the end of the film, after he "sweeps the leg" and takes a Crane Kick to the face in return, he hands Daniel the trophy and cries "You're all right, LaRusso!" -evidently an important redemption for the bad guy (and the actor). The unforgettable dude who played the evil Sensei from the Cobra Kai Dojo was also not that into the role, bummed that someone would teach kids to cheat. I guess we'll do anything for a Hollywood part, right guys?

And that famous Crane Kick that wins it all for Danny LaRusso? It's a bogus technique that doesn't exist anywhere in actual Karate or Kung Fu. Pure Hollywood. The black belt who invented it for the movie even claimed that, as a fighting move, it has "very little practical application". Oh well. We needed a WOW finish.

But what I really wanted to say about The Karate Kid is that it is clearly successful storytelling, however cheesy it comes off. This is a story about ungifted losers becoming winners, and that is every single one of us. There is a crisis of self-esteem in this country, and kids nowadays are wrongly taught that they are all winners, regardless of their achievement. Seems you can get an A just for trying in some public schools, and there is no failure. It's all a sad lie, really, and society will suffer for it if we persist in instilling a false sense of self-esteem into our children. This is the truth: there are only a few winners in life. The 99.9% rest of us are losers. If you really want to teach your kids to be a success, teach them to be good losers. Personally, I know very few good losers, but the ones I do know are the best people in the world, and interestingly, very successful.

The penultimate scene in The Karate Kid says it all. Daniel's leg has been jacked-up and he's about to forfeit the competition though he made it to the final round. He's in the locker room with Miyagi, and he begs Miyagi to do that funky Oriental pain-suppression technique, remember? Where he claps his hands together and then we cut away before we actually see what it is he did? Anyway, Daniel is laying there on the table, desperate to win, but Miyagi knows better, leans in and says, "You already win. No need prove anything." thereby clarifying for all of us what "achievement" really is.

I hear you saying it: But in the end of the movie, he wins!

Of course he does. We all want to be winners. This is why we go to the movies, to escape real life, and yet validate the struggle. I don't want real life in the movies. I get plenty of real life at home on the couch, going bald.


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Why did the Significant Pic go all the way down the side like that? You tell me. It's just been that kind of week, but hey: at least we got this behind us.

The Happiest Day of the Year is June 20th, a Friday, in case you were wondering. I suggest we change the calendar around and celebrate it today. In so doing, I will not burden you with lengthy blogs about my depressive meanderings of recent times. If you want to read a good, funny blog, here. And here.

In other words, it's a busy week. Plus you got the rain. Poverty. Pestilence. Famine. Home Show. The same old smack. No lack of material, just a sad lack of time and energy.

"If you are a regular whiner or moaner about the weather or minor ailments, stop," said Arnall. "It is boring and you are boring."



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